Category Archives: Life Moments

Don’t Let the Robots Eat Me Yoshimi

Perhaps I am engaging in risky behavior by telling you that I feel better.  After two weeks of coughing, sore ribs, fevers, chills, aching and feeling like a “wet dishrag” (as my mom used to say) I feel human again.  I still have a little bit of a cough, but I was actually able to walk a couple of blocks today without getting utterly winded.  I even carried a heavy load of groceries up the stairs.  Yay me.

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I wore nothing but jammies and stuff made of jersey knit for the full two weeks.

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I drank gallons of Throat Coat tea and hot lemon water with honey and ginger.   I stayed in an antihistamine and ibuprofen induced haze.  Sometimes cocooned in the blankets, other times throwing them off in a sweat.

Fortunately my sweetheart was a little better ahead of me and was able to do things like run to the store for cough drops and saltine crackers.

Monday night was the first time I’d put on moisturizer, make-up and shoes since the end of December.  It felt nice to put on regular stuff and go out and see friends.  At first I was resisting.  I kept telling Will that I was feeling introverted and it was hard to put on pants.  I’d even tried painting my nails and messed it up.  But he texted me, “I think you’ll feel better if you see your friends.”  So, I hopped in the shower, re-painted my nails and this time they came out ok.

We went by the event we’d been invited to and I actually had a decent time.  I wanted to do a lot of dancing, but I was pretty easily winded, so I wiggled around a bit to some great songs.  One of which I will leave you with.

I did have a hard cider and I thought about Stevie who’d passed away.  Who’s funeral had been that day, and I didn’t go.  I’m not sure I would have made it through a funeral almost an hour from here, but I felt guilty for not going anyway.  So, I said a little toast to Stevie in my head and drank my cider.

I’m thankful to be feeling better.  Wearing regular clothes and eating regular food.  When I’m so sick like that I totally understand how people die from these things.  If it were to go on too long, you’d just want it to be over.  Part of my gratitude is for it being brief enough to endure, but it also sure makes me appreciate feeling well.

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I’m also grateful for a pretty nice view out of my bedroom window.

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And I finally FINALLY managed to finish my New Year’s cards that Will, Jade and I made for about 100 folks.  Man, that was a lot of card assembly and we were all sick the first week of January.  So, I managed to get them in the mail today.  I wasn’t about to waste all that work.

I know my last post was pretty negative.  And I’m not all sunshine right now, either.  But I do feel a bit more able to handle the world right now.

Enjoy this song by The Flaming Lips – thanks to DJ Gina for spinnin’ the tunes and making me wanna dance.

“Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots Pt. 1”

Her name is Yoshimi – she’s a black belt in karate
Working for the city – she has to discipline her body –
Cause she knows that it’s demanding to defeat these
Evil machines – I know she can beat them -Oh Yoshimi
They don’t believe me
But you won’t let those
Robots defeat me
Oh Yoshimi
They don’t believe me
But you won’t let those
Robots eat me

Those evil natured robots – they’re programmed to
Destroy us – She’s gotta be strong to fight them –
So she’s taking lots of vitamins – cause she knows that
It’d be tragic if those evil robots win – I know
She can beat them –

 

 

 

 

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Vote Sister Bitchez!

Ok – so I voted.  I am doing this “Thankful November” thing on Facebook and today’s thankful note was that I have the right to vote and I did vote.  That is something to really be thankful for in a world where women’s voices can be undervalued.  I love all of you, my voting sisters.  And if you didn’t vote, I still love you, but want to encourage you to GET YOUR BUTT OUT THERE in the next election and do your thing!  It’s your hard won right!

The voting place wasn’t even crowded.

I do this thing every time I vote where I put the voting sticker on my face and take a selfie.  Well, I’ve been doing it since cellphone selfies have been a thing, anyway.  I can’t find one of them, but here are the ones I have so far.  I know you’re just DYING to see them!

2014

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2012

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2006

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Holy cow – that was before I started dying my hair – check out how white my hair is NOW compared to this 2006 image!

Evolution Convolution, Expression Regression

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I find evolving as a person to be difficult at times, to say the least.  Sometimes I want to hang onto childish jealousies and spiteful thoughts, just because those things were conditioned into me for so much of my young life.

That’s the reaction.  The immediate.  Somebody does something and you feel your lizard brain REACT.  You’re mad.  You’re hurt.  You’re afraid.  You feel disrespected.  The immediate reaction is what flashes through you.  It’s your inner seven year old.  And for years I didn’t know any other way to handle things, other than simply reacting. And the hurt often came with lots of comforts at some point, which were nice.  This people is what we call the forging of an unhealthy cycle.

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I thought it was being authentic and my version of boundaries.  But some time in my late twenties, I started to realize that it was actually harmful to be addicted to hurt.  I still have ghosts of that behavior from time to time and I have to consciously ghostbust.

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In order to love better and be better and evolve, we can’t just be junkies for that fire that makes us feel a rise in our emotions.  And yes, like adrenaline or booze or cigarettes, that rush of emotion can be addictive.  Particularly if the feeling is towards somebody you are very bonded to, emotionally.

The things that bite me sometimes surprise me.  I think to myself:  Oh gosh, I’m SO OVER being jealous.  I’m confident.  I’m a Goddess.  I’m soooooo gosh darn evolved.  I’m smart.  I’m clever.  I’ve learned that I matter and give myself permission to be wrong or make mistakes.  Things bounce off of my shield of self esteem like so many bullets off of Wonder Woman’s bracelets.  That can’t hurt me, I’m too secure.  I’m too certain.  I know the way it is.

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Oh, yeah – those are the kinds of thoughts that happen right before Mistress Life wants to make sure you have a lot more to learn, little girl.

It’s not easy to strike a balance between what you need for your heart needs and what somebody else needs.

Relationships are always about compromise. Every relationship is about compromise.

I don’t do some things I might like to do because I’m in a relationship.  I don’t even go places in my brain or my imagination sometimes because I am in a relationship.  I don’t typically express that somewhere.   But I’m doing it now.  Because I need you to know 1) You’re not alone in making sacrifices to be in a relationship.  2) Sacrifices aren’t bad things.  They can actually help you grow as a person.  And 3) You only make sacrifices if you really want to.  And if you choose to, it’s very unfair to express that it’s somehow the other person’s fault or because of them you can’t be who you are.  If you can’t be who you are you are then you are in the wrong relationship.

You should be with people who make you want to be a better person.  Not people you are addicted to.

You should be with somebody who you feel secure with and trust.  Not somebody who puts questions in your mind every day as to their devotion to you.

Somebody who truly loves you can say, “I need this if we are to be together” and you can choose.  You have a choice.  You can tell them what you need and they can say, “I can’t do that–” and then you have to move on some how.  You jut have to.  Your heart may not ever be the same, but you will survive.

I know I’ve stated some of these things rather simply, but they can take years to manifest.  And sometimes you think you can live with something and years later you realize you can’t.  And that’s hard on everybody.  But ask yourself some questions before you try and leave a relationship, make sure you aren’t doing it for the same reasons over and over.  Because usually – that’s about *you* and not about *them* – so you’re doomed to repeat it.  But that is also hopeful because it means you can look inward and work on yourself, if you want to.

Also, somebody wise once told me that your relationship isn’t just about you, it’s about the whole network of threads that attach you to the other person and all of the things that they are attached to as well.  You have to think about all of the things you’ll be losing.  But if you are gaining more than you’re losing, then I think the answer is obvious, but not necessarily easy.

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The Grown Up Things

I roll the vacuum cleaner cord up because it is the adult thing to do. Otherwise I’d just leave it hanging there like a lasso. Well, maybe I still do it that way sometimes too, but today I wound back on there like grown up.

Settling In

It’s been a pleasure to be caught up enough on unpacking to consider myself out of the critical zone.  I know where my important papers are.  My clothes are put away. Essential furniture is all installed.  My computer is all set up.  I have dishes to eat on.  You know, all the really major stuff.  Everything else is going to be icing on the cake.  Which means that today I got to catch up on blogging.  Read and work.  Just work all day if I want to, until I pass out.

I baked a successful cinnamon raisin bread.  I’ve been using only Bob’s Red Mill for my flour because they are a very responsible company that treats their employees well and the ingredients are quality stuff.  I even got some vital wheat gluten from them to try and make some seitan.

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I hung up my fairy suncatcher that Jackie G. gave me.  It’s right next to my seat where I work all day.  It helps me think of sunlight in magical ways.

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This is the view of part of my “office” from my seat.  It’s actually most of my office since my office/studio consists of a corner of the living room.

 

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It’s a little chilly in here, but I like having the windows open on a day like this, so I compensated by wearing fluffy booties.

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I’ve been drinking my decaf Constant Comment tea, which goes very well with fluffy socks on a chilly morning.  Actually, I bought it yesterday (and some Natural Directions peppermint) for making iced tea now that we’re on the cusp of hot weather.  Constant Comment tastes AMAZING iced and peppermint is very refreshing.